6 strings and a pick

Sooo, a while back i started learning guitar. I may only know like 15 basic chords and like three barre chords, and dont remember any if the songs ive learned, but does it really matter?

I mean, the only reason i still use my guitar is to make loud noise at this point and i can do that whether it sounds good or not.

I mean i do.

A lot.

Its basically a fidgit toy at this point. But then again its also my unatainable life goal to be in a garage band. The problem with that is i dont like people, public performance, or own decent instruments except for the acoustic guitar i bought in fourth grade after saving up for like a year. 

My rich grandpa gave us each like 100 bucks every christmas, plus my grandma, grandpa, dad, mom, and maybe my aunt but i cant remember, each gave me between 10 and 20 dollars for my birthday a few months later, and i scammed the fuck out of my siblings by buying snacks with the ebt card and selling them back so they didnt have to walk to the store, so it wasnt hard to do.

Being spoiled as fuck as a kid aside, i still will probably never be in a cool band.

Which is fine, ive known since i was like eight that that was unrealistic, so ive made other goals, most of which fell through and stopped seeming enjoyable anyway when i burnt out by like 7th grade but that isnt the point.

Although, before we move on from that, i do wanna say, i hate... more than just about anything... the way people treat "intelligence." Which is so, so useless the way people define it.

Like i know every parent did this to their kid, probably especially to the youngest kids based on what i know (which isnt much) about family dynamics, but my mom acted like i was soooo fucking smart, so i tried sooo hard because i didnt wanna let her down! I got straight A's till the end of seventh grade when my social anxiety started to override my perfectionism. I took like two fucking hours too long on every state test cause i needed to get a higher score than last time or i would feel like a failure for the next nine months.

And that wasnt even intelligence, im pretty sure it was just me working hard that made me do well. 

And i would tell people "dont encourage me, im driven by proving my point not making you proud." But people dont listen. I mightve been wrong, but i still think if i had someone to prove wrong my engine would be running for a lot longer, cause theres nothing worse than being underestimated.

Except for maybe being overestimated. Cause i know i can never meet the image of me certain people have in their mind so i keep dissapointing them over and over and over again, and somehow knowing that doesnt help anymore.

Like i dunno, i feel like my life is going downhill, but i cant really care enough because well... what most people in my life describe as intelligence. The knoweledge that im probably gonna or at least could, or at least could if i wanted to, die before any of this even matters.

I dunno man. Im just saying, inteligence, even in its best forms, is just a tool. Not a miracle.

And in its more common forms, im pretty sure its just a recipe for anxiety mellowed out a tad by depression and drug addiction.

But in any case, we were talking about guitar. Not my crushed dreams.

I guess i kinda want an electric guitar, but i dont have money, and also dont need that really.

I deleted my tuning app and lost my manual tuner thingy (#irresponsible) so im not even sure if its tuned right and would actually sound that good when it was, but i put together a chord progression type thing, and i think it sounded pretty cool, and kinda emotional and stuff. I wont be posting it cause im gonna need that for when im famous.

Anyway, i think em is my favorite chord, but tbh i cant really remember if em is the one with two fingers or three, i know the other one is regular e but i just get mixed up.

Anyway, ive had like four cups of coffee today and sweat just dripped from the pit of my extended arm directly onto my hip, so thats kinda nice. Im cool now. Temperature regulated.

Anyway, i know ive started the last three paragraphs with "anyway" but im not sure what else to talk about regaurding the guitar right now? I play it. I like it. Its fun, currently my nails are too long to press down on the frets or hammer strum properly, and im proud of myself for learning barre chords but that was months ago and i havent progressed much since then, so gotta find something new to like about myself for the week, and im thinking it should definetely be my absolute peak sense of humor.

Has anyone ever watched right know kapow? Totally underated show. Its a disney xd show but its not on disney plus and no body even fucking knows what it is, like guys... get your head in the game.

That show... was peak humor. The one bit with the moon guy playing the mummy was awesome, the gravy bit starring the palm tree was great, that show was just... amazing.

Earlier i made a joke in my head, it was such a good joke, but it mightve only been funny to me.

I was making a pot of coffee and also doing something on my phone at the same time and when i rinced the coffee pot out and it got heavy i swirled it around and dumped it out, as i always do, and then i was like "we should probably be paying attention. We know what happens when we dont." And it was funny to me because i had about a thousand flashbacks and they were all really dumb, and that was funny, the stupidity and simplicity of that joke made me laugh.

But then again a lot of things that dont make sense to other people make me laugh. Like they dont have to be funny, they just have to massage my brain... or... make it feel like its being crumpled into a ball like a piece of tinfoil, those things make me laugh too, but that usually becomes crying after like 30 seconds.

Idk, i kinda crack myself up to be honest. what are some dumb ass things you guys laugh at that other people dont get?

I dont feel like signing off so im gonna kinda half ass it - billie :D