BitchlessBilliesBlogs

 So, this thursdayish had approached and i need to make a post that isnt my musicish monday series which i can only do on mondays anyway, or my dream series because that doesnt count, thats basically just a short story. However im not sure what else to post about... Im a fucking failure. We know that. Im trying, but i still feel like shit all the time. Thats been discussed. I dont know how to friend. I asked my friend if i annoy her yesterday and she said no so now i think shes either a liar or a bad judge of character. Ive never had sex (hense the nickname "bitchless billie"), but thats something i do wanna do at some point, just not with someone i dont like, and i think i should probably get like some sort of pregnancy prevention type of thing because i refuse to force another human to exist, especially in the current state of the world, and especially with the wrong person, so gotta either do something about that, or just commit to staying a virgin. Not that its bad to ...

 So... i just had a dream, and it was the kind where youre not a character in the dream just a spectator watching the characters, where the world was sort of in the beggining of becoming a distopia... Everyone stole everything, but would also leave a bunch of trash on random peoples lawns. You had to be inside by the time it got dark or someone would almost definetely steal you. You had to know all the signs of weather changes so you can find shelter before you almost definetly get caught in some kind of disastrous weather. The main character was some kid who shared a room with his little sister. He would frequently have his best friend over and his friend would frequently have mutual friends over. It was late, just getting dark and the main character was outside looking through todays collection of trash with his best friend and one of their friends, and he found several books, but only picked up the ones that looked interesting. His older brother was also out there and he kept te...

my brother is really about to get me busted i wake up wayyy to early to get ready for everything before everyone else does because we all have our own schedules to work around, and two of my siblings shower in the morning and that takes right up until i have to leave so i have to shower before them, and then i also need to make and drink coffee, and then also wait to make sure its digested all the way so i dont shit myself when i go to work or errands or whatever, and then i also have to brush my teeth and stuff and put on comfortable presentable clothes and get all my shit that im gonna need for the day, and so long story short i wake up at 2:30 am, and no one else is supposed to know that, but my brother does, because our walls are thin so i think my alarms are waking him up, and he asked me the other day why i was always up in the middle of the night in front of my mother and i was just like "that doesnt seem relavent" and changed thw subject. It is... very relavent. Its h...

 People need to stop letting me feel things part 2: angry songs cause expressing anger towards their sources makes you a psycho - break stuff - limp bizkit Obvi - king for a day - peirce the veil Again, obviously. - choke - i dont know how but they found me I fucking love this band name - zombie - the cranberries This song actually makes me so fucking angry - sarcasm - get scared Im pretty sure this song is supposed to be angry - last resort - papa roach Tbh this song actually makes me really happy cause me and mh best friend used to scream it at the top of our lungs together, and those are just good memories - lights out - kxllswxtch I think this sounds angry i think - brutus - the buttress - im so sorry - nico collins I kinda love this one, its a real "you can suck my dick and swallow my cum" kinda vibe, and im a little ashamed i like it so much because it feels too electicy pink and blue strobe lights typa vibe. Cause that makes sense and what not. - two legged freak - hol...

 Since i talked about the last one, i thought id mention this one too, it was around the same time, probably one or two months before. I was a detective and there was a pending case about this guy who was convicted for some crimes (i forgot what) a while back, and we suspected him for some murders that habe been happening in the area... We had to review some footage that was captured on the baby monitor or something of him eating dinner with his family... The camera quality was grainy and the lighting was kinda dim... His wife had shap cheekbones, glasses, and brown hair that was up in a bun. I think she was wearing a dark green, tight, cortoroy like long sleeve shirt. She was at the end of the table, next to a bookshelf against the staircase. Her kids —one boy, one girl, both blonde, the girl had pigtails— were both facing away from the guy, and the guy was facing the camera but not looking at it. He was looking at his wife. In fact he was staring at her. And he was staring at the...

 This was like 6 months, but i thought it deserved an honorable mention. A bunch of people were at a game show that was run by gods in diguise. The game show was completely random and unfair, someone just had to draw a square and they went on to the next round, but someone else got poisoned and died, and she fell and her brother got struck by lightning for making too sudden of a movement when he tried to catch her. There was also this one really disturbing part where this one god with a fued against this one contestant brought said contestant to another room, it was wide open and bright, and the god turned into her true form, and then pulled the womans spine out through her throat, and like, it took a few good tugs too, like she definetely felt it. And the god then used the womans sweat as dipping sauce. Definetely one of my top 10 dreams.

 My goal is to do at least one nice thing for someone everyday, learn something new everyday, do one thing that scares me everyday, and get at least (though preferably a lot more) 2000 steps in a day... The steps have been easy, so im gonna bump that up to 3 thousand, and im gonna keep doing that until i regularly get like 8-15 thousand steps in a day. But the other three have been hard... I dont like research, it bores and frustrates me. I dont like watching educational videos because i tend to usually crave more comfortable things. I dont like watching shorts of any kind because i tend to doomscroll. And i dont interact with people enough to do something nice... i guess probably it would be even nicer if i actually went out of my way to do it... Huh... Yeah, now that im thinking of it, thats not the problem. I just dont know what nice things to do. I know talking to people scares me, so if im doing something nice for a stranger, that probably counts for both, but i feel like i sh...

 Guys, we should start a secret club, where we quote this one " super indie movie " but like it doesnt actually exist... Here are some quotes we can use: " Were not weird because were different but because we don't try to act the same " "Physical pain only matters more than emotional pain because blood is more noticeable than tears" " People can't hear me screaming cause it's mostly internal " "My heart was never broken it was just never assembled properly" "If their intention was to hurt you they aren't worth hurting over" And for ultraspecific moments, like when people ask "what???" When you say this and laugh about it, you just have to say "oh nothing, that just reminded me of this one part of this one movie" or smth: "I call this move... the pepper grinderrr!" "Maaaaan, i would fuckin'... drink you right up..." (idk man) "STOoop, dont be mean to meEE!" l...

 i got instagram I already regret it, but who cares, my username is @billiepatbtchlss and i got facebook, my username is @billie.403582 Im not sure what ill post there, maybe my blogs if thats possible. Guys i dont know how mainstream social media works, i hate most of it. I mean why the hell was tiktok the first thing to come up when i searched instagram on playstore? Like i know tiktok is more popular but it is a different thing with its own name i couldve looked up if thats what i was looking for? Idk. Anyway, follow me, or dont, idrc, i dont know what to post on there anyway.

 I had a dream where i caught my mom in my room both going through my stuff and cleaning it... I started yelling at her for invading my privacy, and touching my things, because she was doing my laundry even though i hate it when other people do my laundry and i always just end up rewashing them anyway, and she was just like "welp, you werent keeping it clean" which she shouldnt have even known. I started screaming because now shes dismissing my feelings, and acting like its my fault, and i was literally about to clean it and she was like "yeah right" And she looked at me like "you need to calm down" and i kept trying to explain to her why that wasnt ok, and she was like "its my house" and i was like "its my room, its my space, its supposed to be mine, youre ruining my one safe space, and taking it over, and invading my privacy, and dissmissing my feelings, and not listening to me, and just generally doing all these things she knows i hate an...

 So, one of my favorite things ive ever done is write a paragraph from and quote a book that doesnt exist. The main characters names are Nate and Angelica , and he loves her, but she hates herself. These are the paragraphs i wrote: "He held her hand as they walked, and that was the first time he realized holding hands isnt always reciprocal ." "out on the terrace they shared a cigarrete and a few laughs. The morning sun was cold for being so hot it could warm a planet to keep its inhabitants standing and even some happy. Its made her happy, those first signs of spring, the birds chirping , the rainy afternoons . It meant to her that shed feel tired of the suns heat all over again in no time at all." "if only words were enough to convince her of everything he couldnt prove. If only she was more certain of herself even when he wasnt, and hurting her wouldnt hurt her so bad, so she had less to fear." I dont know, i just love them. But i will not be doing any...

 What is the meaning of life ? Well scientifically i think life is anything with dna . But philisophically , id say we were created by chance , and dont really have a reason for existing, but now that we do we wanna keep existing, so basically, i think the meaning of life is not dying. Or, if you think about it, some of us were created on purpose by our parents, which doesnt mean it wasnt an accident, so i guess you could say the meaning of life is to be a successful product . But that doesnt mean you have to be, because just because someone made something doesnt mean it has to work, and its not the products fault, its the creators, for making it wrong. If you try to fly a kite with tears in it, its not the kites fault it cant catch wind. Idk. Just a thought. Let me know if you have any theories of your own. Id advise against flying kites during lightning storms . - billie

 People need to stop letting me feel things: • Big jet plane - angus and julia stone • Dirty love - mt. Joy • I was all over her - salvia palth • In this shirt - the irrepressibles • Purple land - amen dunes • do not wait - wallows • You not the same - tilekid • Asleep - the smiths • Experience - ludivico einaudi ,  • Je te laisserai des mots - patrick watson Small side note, i really really wanted to put more on here, but the rule is up to 10 😭 Id advise against jumping out of planes without a parachute, if i didnt already use this one. If i did, it means this piece of advice is invalid as a closer, and therefore, i would suggest jumping out of planes without a parachute, but just to make sure no one gets hurt im gonna add that you should only do that if theyre landed. Bitchless as ever, billie

 So, i feel like i should post something but dont know what to post about, so im just gonna start typing and hope for the best i guess, shit. I went camping with my deadbeat father and my sisters and my sisters kids, and it was... an event. I love camping, i love my family, but holy fucking shit they are obnoxious. Im kind of obsessed with the lyrics from the song "im doing pushups" by bears in trees "now youre hollow as youd always thought youd be, screaming hold my hand but please dont touch me!" So fucking real. Because touching people is awkward, but holy shit do i crave affection. I hugged my nephew the other day, and it was a great hug but im still overthinking it, and never want to do that again. I hug my sister a lot. My dad hugs me even though he doesnt wash his hands in the bathroom or after putting his fingers in his mouth and nose and stuff. I dont want other peoples bodily fluids on me, and that cant be that unreasonable. I started watching kipo and im ...

Best music videos i could think of off the top of my head! - Dangerous - big data - Sorry - nothing but thieves - Kairos - grumpster - Lose it - SWMR - Insomniac - memo boy - Im so bored - sarah and the sundays - At the door - the strokes - Breezeblocks - alt j - Anything by gorillaz

 This is a segment i like to call "just saying shit without elaborating as to what the hell i mean" or "JSSWEWTHIM" So for starters, life is easier when you remember you can die whenever you want, but you could die tomorrow, so you might as well say whatever dumb shit comes to mind. If i could be an animal, id want to be a worm . I have more respect for ants and bees than i do for most parents. I think the grandmother in young sheldon was kind of a gilf ngl. Prezels and string cheese is the best snack. My stupid capsule isnt big enough for this dumbass perfectionest soul i got stuck with. Being famous is a little fucked up, because youre just affecting more people with your mistakes and inevitable death. Our opinions of animals (and plants for that matter) is fucked up. "They didnt choose to cause global warming so theyre incapable of it" "They didnt choose to create a fucked up, rigged ass, government system, so theyre uncivilized" "Th...

 You guys think i should start a youtube chanel? It wouldnt be called bitchless billie, or billie pat bitchless, because id be showing my face so id probably use my real name. I would probably just be talking about nothing in particular while baking experimental recipes or something. I dont know, im just chronically bored. Determined to become famous for doing nothing and no longer be so bitchless -billie

I think shed feel/i thought she felt warm 💘: - i was all over her - silvia palth - blondie - current joys - what once was - her's - apocolypse - cigarettes after sex - past lives - sapientdream , slushii - violent - carolsdaughter - sober - childish gambino - fuck love - lund - yeah right - joji - all i wanted - paramore I love-adjacent you guys, i hope you find the companion of your dreams whether its platonic , romantic , or a stuffed animal you can confess your troubles to 💚

 So, im just gonna tell you about my day because things are happening... its 3 am right now, and ive been up cleaning out my fridge because it needed to get done, and im genuinely proud, because despite having spilled a whole bowl of old tomato soup all over me and the floor and stuff, i cleared out an entire 40 gallon garbage bag of old food, mostly condiments we needed for like one specific dish, and then forgot about, and wiped out all the sticky shit that was all over the place? I reorganized it too, so that the stuff that fits on the smaller shelves is on the smaller shelves instead of taking up space on the big shelves because small things can fit on big shelves but big things cant fit on small shelves and that annoys the shit out of my sister but she never does anything about it despite also living here... Anyway, i also started cleaning the bathroom about as much as im willing too, im not gonna get into the cupboards or anything, but so far ive cleaned our nasty/rusty ass ...

I know i said i was gonna unplug but i just had the most distressing dream ive ever had in my life... My family pretty much all collectively decided they hated me because i guess i was too controlling or something. My sister kind of had the final say and she was just like "im deciding if we still like you... we dont." And i left and said "ok well fuck you guys then." Very dramatically. Like i am too controlling i guess, but i feel like its not that huge of a request to ask people to wash their hands after picking their nose or using the bathroom or putting their fingers in their mouths if theyre gonna touch everything afterwards? I know its still not up to me, but it just really bothers me and i dont understand why its so much to ask that they keep a communal living space sanitary? Or why they even do things like that in the first place, like wouldnt it bother them to have someone elses bodily fluids on them, why do they do that to other people? Idk... i woke up cry...