Ill probably start this by saying i dont know what to talk about and then going on a long winded rant about something very specific.

 So, this thursdayish had approached and i need to make a post that isnt my musicish monday series which i can only do on mondays anyway, or my dream series because that doesnt count, thats basically just a short story.

However im not sure what else to post about...

Im a fucking failure.

We know that.

Im trying, but i still feel like shit all the time.

Thats been discussed.

I dont know how to friend.

I asked my friend if i annoy her yesterday and she said no so now i think shes either a liar or a bad judge of character.

Ive never had sex (hense the nickname "bitchless billie"), but thats something i do wanna do at some point, just not with someone i dont like, and i think i should probably get like some sort of pregnancy prevention type of thing because i refuse to force another human to exist, especially in the current state of the world, and especially with the wrong person, so gotta either do something about that, or just commit to staying a virgin.

Not that its bad to be a virgin, or not to be one or anything, its your body, its not hurting anyone either way as long as its consensual, if it is affecting someone else.

I just wanna know, yknow, because its like what we seem to center our entire culture around sex and i gotta know if its really worth the hype.

I doubt it honestly.

I seriously dont understand why everyone feels like they need a romantic partner, especially when theyve already got friends and stuff.

Like... i get wanting one. 

I dont get feeling like you need one, or like youre worth less or youre alone or something if you dont have one, but its just a type of relationship, its not the main one, or it shouldnt be?

Like because its your friends who get you through the heartbreak of a break up, or will make you feel better when youre feeling lonely, at least in my experience...

I feel like youre a lot more likely to meet your best friend as a kid than you are to meet your life partner, so you also know for a fact your friends are usually more loyal?

Love is insanely conditional.

Also... high standards are good, you shouldnt have to lower them just because that gives less people a chance with you, like thats the whole fucking point.

If you cant measure up to a certain standard, you probably arent a suitable partner?

I dont understand some peoples logic.

Like because im always seeing videos, mostly by guys about girls, about how "nowadays dating standards are so unrealistic"

Like being nice to me, respecting me as your equal, listening when i talk, giving the same amount i give you, these should not be unrealistic standards.

Its not the generations fault for having unrealistic expectations, its your own fault that low standards are unrealistic to you.

People are fucking idiots.

And also, i feel like it doesnt make a lot of sense to complain about being single, especially if your standards are high.

Like i said, i get wanting a partner, but if you already have friends, and people who love you and support you anyway, what the hell is the problem with being single in the mean time?

I feel like that just creates pressure for people, and makes them feel like they need one or theyre life isnt fulfilling or something, but why??

Relationships really should not be something we actively search for. In my own personal opinion anyway.

I think relationships should really be something were open to, if we happen to find someone who is good enough for us, but not something we feel like we need to find, or something we pause the rest of our lives for.

And do not fucking get me started on people who will abandon all their other friends for their partner.

Guys, if your partner doesnt trust you to have certain kinds of friends (like if youre a guy and you dont want your gf having guy friends), needs you to isolate yourself, depend on only them, or put aside your own happiness just to be with them, for one thing, dating them defeats the entire purpose of being in a relationship.

(Also theyre probably a shitty/insecure ass person)

And for another, going through with that makes you an awful friend, a loveblind idiot, and a self destructive push-over.

Idk.

I just dont think a controling partner it worth a loyal friend.

In general, ultamatums in most kinds of relationships are usually fucked up, you should not need someone to sacrifice their happiness for you.

And like in some cases... i get it... if youre dating someone, and you find out theyre in love with someone else and you want to be with them, i guess i get saying "its them or me" because either theyre loyal to you, or theyre not compatible with you?

Idk... its complicated.

Like, do what you want, but understand not everyone will like it, which doesnt make you wrong, it just means you guys are incompatible. In which case neither of you have any obligation to each other.

Seriously guys, incompatability is incompatability, its not as big of a deal as it seems.

If sex is important to you, dont date someone who doesnt want to have sex with you. It doesnt make you a bad person, it makes them the wrong person for you.

While it might make you selfish to break up with someone, its just as selfish if they want you to stay even though theyre wrong for you.

And unlike them wanting you to stay, wanting to leave is more about your own life, and not living it for other people, whileas them wanting you to stay is them feeling entitled to your life and your time, which they are not. 

No one is.

And therefore, being selfish, in the way that youre taking something of yours away from someone else, is not usually wrong.

Whileas selfishness where youre taking from someone else, or forcing something onto them, usually is wrong.

Idk...

For being someone whos never been in a real romantic, or sexual relationship, i sure have a lot of opinions on the matter.

Im not joking when i say this, i would reeeeaaallly reaallly advise against using flour to put out any kind of fire ever.

- billie.

I forget sometimes if i spell it billy or billie, and i feel like i might be inconsistent about it, because its not my real name, but either way, you get the idea, it still spells the same name. 🤷